J. Andrew's Fashion Page

J. Andrew's College Fashion Page

Fall Fashion Advice for Men returning to school by Metrosexual Dynamo Jordan Andrew Krause

First off, thanks to Frenchy for putting up so many pictures of me here on the website-- it makes it hard to be humble, but since I am a humble servant of the Lord, thanks again. Now, for those of you reading and scanning through the website, let me state for the record that: 1) I'm not gay, 2) I am remarkably good looking, and 3) it's tough to keep thirty and forty something women from checking me out. This is especially true at church and church related functions in Hudson, but it's the truth. Oh, and yeah, there have been a lot of guys checking out my stuff, but I'm cool with that because I'm secure in my sexuality. That, and I just look good in a Rat uniform and women's sunglasses (thanks to Barabe for that one, by the way.) So... What does it take to be a sexy and well dressed metrosexual like me, you ask? Read on, and I'll clue you in...

Looking good is dependent upon many different factors, so let's describe them right off the bat:

First, physical conditioning. Women (and men too, don't kid yourself) are attracted to men (like me) who keep themselves in great shape. A beer gut and double chin aren't in, get it? Even if they WERE in, they'd make it tough to keep up on the other physical aspects of your personal relationship with your significant other. I recommend a combination of exercise programs for all guys in college-- weightlifting (free weights or machine), aerobic work (bicycling, jogging, or swimming if you can), and plyometrics (jumping, leaping, explosive exercises that build quick-twitch muscle mass). IF you get those things in, try to do them every other day, with a light aerobic workout on off days. Also, keep the fast food and ecstasy intake to minimal levels.

Second, dress well. You're not in high school anymore, dude... A pair of old sweats and a faded, hole-filled, and beer stained t-shirt is great for the Friday kegger, but it'll turn off the hottie sitting across the room from you in your Physics class quicker than Courtney Love's drunken singing at a Hole concert. I'm not into hip-hop fashion too much, but if that's your style, go with it and keep it real. Otherwise, throw on your Abercrombie and Fitch gear and try to flex your biceps and pecs at appropriate moments in and around campus. This is especially cool if you have a little post-lecture group meeting with some of the other girls in your class. Check out some articles on color coordination and dress wear if you're really feeling formal-- this is critical for upper classmen and grad students. Leave the hemp parkas and Birkenstocks back in the closet if you want to find a partner who's majoring in business or marketing. Wear it, however, if you're going into forestry, environmental studies, or women's studies...

Third, personal hygiene. Being crisp and looking crisp doesn't mean your clothes should stand up on their own. Bathe yourself, and if you're lucky enough, bathe your significant other too. She'll like the Bath & Body Works bath gel and a loofah just as much as Bill O'Reilly, if not more... Accentuate your look with good shaving too-- some like the hairy chin sported by Hank Blalock these days, others are old school with the mutton chop sideburns-- I prefer clean shaving. Everywhere I can, if you know what I mean. For some reason women like a freshly shaven guy-- you can work out the details afterwards on your own, just take my word.

Fourth, confidence sells. Women (and men, again) respect confident, respectful, and well dressed men. More so with confident and well-dressed than with respectful, but if you've got all three down, look out... Confidence and self-assuredness means knowing that you're attractive and that you aren't afraid to put yourself on display. It doesn't mean looking down on your fellow classmates or thinking they're lesser beings because they don't look as good as you do. On the other hand, if they want to feel bad about themselves, that's their problem, so prioritize what's important-- help others by helping yourself! If others DO ask you for help, then go ahead and help them. Unless they're looking for something you can't give them, like a spare quarter bag or an eight-ball... Point them towards the dorms in that case.

Fifth, and last, be yourself. Not everyone can be good looking. Some guys like being retrosexual and sloppy. Why do you think internet porn and chat rooms are so popular these days? They're not filled up with people talking about politics or religious ideology, that's for sure... College is about determining where you're going to be in terms of your career and how you're going to get there, whether you finish in four years as a Magna Cum Laude, or if you drop out in two years and start working as a store manager at the Mall of America. If you think you deserve to have sex with the best looking woman in the class, you'd better be able to prove your point (or go to jail on assault charges if you can't). Even if you aren't in college to have sex, it pays to work hard at it, and it really pays to look good in the process. It also pays to have connections to wealthy families on the East Coast, but since I don't have those, you're on your own there too.

For further advice on college fashion, check out the internet or stop in at your favorite place at the mall (Gap, Abercrombie and Fitch, Roots, etc.) and ask for a little help. If you're into retro looks or Goth, there are places for that too, but they're not great choices for up and coming professionals or people who want to intern in a professional environment-- computer programming not included, although you may have to go to India for those jobs pretty soon. Best of luck to you all, work hard, and remember, the Lord helps those who help themselves...